Moving has taught me one thing at least. It is that you never can move away from yourself.

Since moving I have been trying to break free of some parts of myself that I am unhappy about. I'm not sure If it is working. Those of you who know me know that I can be incredibly quiet and somewhat closed off. I don't know if I have always been like this, and I am not 100% sure as to the reason why this is but it is something I have been trying to conquer. I've been trying to open up and connect with people and the world. I guess how can you really know who you are if it not put up to the test holding your own in interactions with others. I also think it keeps me out of touch with reality. Which i think makes it difficult for me to get through life. It sets me up for suprises and keeps me from really connecting with people.

I have been struggling with ideas of entering the dating world again. True I did date someone for the first time in like four years a couple of months ago. But that ended because I knew I had not figured out how to trust completely and knew that it was not fair to stay in a relationship where the other person is never allowed to see who you really are.

I think what keeps me from dating/getting close to someone is because I am afraid they won't like what they see. Because for whatever reason, maybe the christian upbringing that constantly told me I was a sinner, maybe the flashes of memories of being called worthless and of stinging bruises, maybe the yelling boyfriends that swore and cheated or societies message that I'm not thin enough, hip enough cool enough, I just can't bring myself to get up go out and really connect with someone. And If I do I pull away, afraid that they will come to their senses and realize that they really don't want to have be in their life.

Why is it that of all the character in the Watchman I relate to Dr. Manhattan the most. And is that bad?